what i've been up to and the obsession of productivity

Hello, so I haven't been on here. I mean, I meant to it's just I have had so many ideas, written it, realized it wasn't that good and it was me more rambling (which is what I do in all the other ones really), but not the good kind of rambling. Just a rambling I wasn't fond of for myself. 

But anyways. I have recently learned all of the states of the US's capitols and flags. I didn't take very long surprisingly. Maybe an hour or two for both. I've done a little more journaling (collage type of stuff) and decorated some Jenga blocks. I decorated a tiny purse. I went TikTok famous again. TikTok fame is so odd, but from the experience I have learned my audience is 12-20 girls, gays, and K-pop fans. I also started a fanfiction for my friend; it's Minecraft themed. They absolutely love it! I made a PowerPoint about how and why whales get self-conscious about their dick size. That was fun. I've done my online schoolwork-- most of it at least. Watched YouTube. 

As I was doing these things, especially going through YouTube and TikTok and what not, there seems to be a lot of people who are just straight up doing the absolute most. Which definitely is not a bad thing. But everyone is working out, cleaning there house, becoming a baker, writing college essays already-- just straight up the most. And as I said, that is fantastic. It is amazing that people have motivation to do these kinds of things now that we are stuck at home.

But also, there's the I-finished-7-seasons-of-a-TV-series side of this quarantine/stay in place order. Maybe you have a little bit of both doing the most and watching so much Netflix the veins in your eyes are popping out. However, there are people who just do the latter. And I feel like as I am on the 7th season of Gilmore Girls, which I started late last month, I am completely wasting my time. This of course could just be me, but sometimes it feels like I have to and I should be doing something that I should at least be doing some arm circles or lunges or clean my extremely messy desk or do another assignment. Like I feel a little bad that I haven't done any of my art assignments but at the same time I have a 101% in that class. And when I do one assignment, I feel like I should treat myself to laying in bed till 3 am but then I read online somewhere that I really shouldn't do that. And then I feel a little bad because I'm not taking care of myself the way some Twitter self care thread says.

Yet, at the same time I know literally everyone, or most, people or teenagers at least are doing the same. I know like one person who goes to bed before 10 pm. Still, it feels like I should be doing something that I am not doing all that I can. I'm not losing weight or learning how to bake bread. I'm not doing anything really that much. 

So, to analyze why I'm feeling like this, I just think about why I feel to be productive. I feel like all my life it's been you need to do this and that and if you have time do this other thing and if you finished the book, get another one, if you finish an assignment, the teacher will give you another. 

But honestly, it's so stupid. It is so stupid that we have to keep going and going. You may have been raised differently or had different experiences and that's totally valid. And maybe you like that go-go-go lifestyle. But sometimes it is so nice to just slow down. Just to appreciate yourself enough to say you know what, I did a task, I don't have to do another. Or even, I didn't do a task and I don't need to. And that should be okay.

Of course, you have obligations and responsibilities. You should of course take care of those. I'm not saying to avoid them. But at the same time, you shouldn't feel like you need to force yourself to do more than you, that you haven't done enough when you have gotten out of bed, which can be a feat for some. 

I guess what I am saying is it is kind of ridiculous that we hold ourselves to high expectations to produce, to be productivity, do just do something. Clean our rooms, bake our bread, workout, do more art. It's okay to sometimes take a step back. And if that step back is all the way to not doing anything, that's totally cool. You need to of course take into consideration if you don't do specific things, what will happen, but yeah. Don't do shit, babe.